Thumbs Up

Thumbs up, indeed, Miss Sasha. Your daddy did good today.

"For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life.

For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West; endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.

For us, they fought and died, in places like Concord and Gettysburg; Normandy and Khe Sahn.

Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction.

...

As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals.

...

To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.

...

For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job, which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.

Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends -- hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism -- these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility -- a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.

This is the price and the promise of citizenship."

I watched the Inauguration in the pub on the ground floor of our campus center. Hundreds of students sat with faculty members, administrators, and coaches. There was chatter as Vice President Biden took the Oath of Office, but when CNN quietly announced that regardless of the fact he had not yet taken his own oath, because it was past noon, Barack Obama was officially President of the United States, a roar erupted in the room. Everyone fell quiet as the Chief Justice and the Obamas were called forward, and while there was a giggle when the Chief Justice flubbed his lines, you could hear a pin drop in the room. "So help me God..." and the room exploded again with cheers and applause and laughter. Silence fell for the inaugural address, which everyone knew was partially penned by our fellow Crusader, Jon Favreau. You've never seen college kids so quiet!

The crowd in Washington was awe-inspiring as well. Seeing all of those people together, some crying, some smiling so big their faces may be frozen that way tonight, reminded me of a song my kids used to sing for Black History Month. We saw it today. Yes, We Can.

Lift every voice and sing,
'Til earth and heaven ring,
Ring with the harmonies of Liberty;
Let our rejoicing rise
High as the listening skies,
Let it resound loud as the rolling sea.
Sing a song full of the faith that the dark past has taught us,
Sing a song full of the hope that the present has brought us;
Facing the rising sun of our new day begun,
Let us march on 'til victory is won.

God of our weary years,
God of our silent tears,
Thou who has brought us thus far on the way;
Thou who has by Thy might
Led us into the light,
Keep us forever in the path, we pray.
Lest our feet stray from the places, our God, where we met Thee,
Lest, our hearts drunk with the wine of the world, we forget Thee;
Shadowed beneath Thy hand,
May we forever stand,
True to our God,
True to our native land.

Another Monday night...

A great leaf, that God and you and I/ have covered with writing/ turns now, overhead, in strange hands.

I anticipate their questions --

Why did you leave?
Why did you stay away?

Why do you want to come back?

I had to leave. I needed air. I needed to heal. I lived, breathed, ate, drank, swam in teaching. Three thousand miles from home, living in a small apartment with three other teachers, the classroom kept me sane and drove me crazy. It was an oxygen mask and a pillow over my face. I was exhausted.

I left to come home - to return to a coast and a mindset that made sense. I left to be with family and friends who knew me. I left because as much as I loved it, as much as I loved them, I felt spent and depleted. My batteries needed to be recharged.

I never meant to stay away so long. I almost came back, but I wasn't quite ready. The scars were still too pink, and the memories were a little to raw. My thoughts were of the hours, the planning, the grading, and the discipline. So I picked another road - a familiar one. I returned to the place that had filled me with the desire and the passion that fueled my teaching in the first place. It was a job that could be left in an office - with tasks that could wait until morning. I found other ways to fill my evenings. And I wrote...but not about planning, or grading, or discipline. Instead, the stories that poured onto the pages and filled notebooks were about the laughter, and the lightbulbs, and the joy. The flood of memories told the story of second grade magic.

So, I'm coming back because I want to come back. I'm coming back with a balanced understanding of the challenges and the rewards. I recognize my responsibilities to my students and to myself - we'll all be happier if I don't live, breathe, eat, and drink my job. Most importantly, I come back knowing that this is what I'm meant to do, whether in a little town that feels more like home than anyplace I've been in my adult life, or the city I never wanted to live in until I left...even on the days that end in tears.

The Day After Thanksgiving...

And I am most grateful...
...for a crazy, loving, funny, over-the-top Irish family.
...for friends who make me laugh.
...for creativity.
...for friends with babies, toddlers, and kids.
...for President-Elect Barack Obama.
...for those people in my life who remind me of all I have to give.
...for health.
...for cousins.
...for email and cell phones and blogs and facebook and all the wonderful ways available to me to keep in touch with far-flung friends and family.
...for fleece blankets.
...for heating pads.
...for tween girls (but not for their shrieking).
...for hope.

Dayenu.

randomly and weirdly me

I am behind on blogging, but I'll be blogging 2x tonight as I've been tagged in 2 "surveys."

The lovely and talented Melissa has tagged me for a Random and Weirdly Me post!

Here are the rules:
1. Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself, some random, some weird.
3 Tag 7 people (if possible) at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blogs.

Without further ado ... here are my seven random and weird ...

1. I had 6 toes on each foot at birth. (2 big toes on each foot!)
2. I had a hard time learning to dive (into a pool), but once my younger sister figured it out, it took me about a day and a half.
3. I tend to forget things--keys, jackets, medication...deodorant (not often)!
4. I talk to myself...often. It's how I think things through.
5. I still contemplate going back to school for an M.Div. or somesuch degree. It's especially appealing after a weekend like this one where I helped to facilitate a retreat.
6. I am currently drinking Polar beverage's "Orange Dry." (Yes, I'm struggling to come up with 7 facts.)
7. I "stole" tin foil this weekend. Yes, there is a funny story there.

I tag:

My blog friends have been tapped already!

Election Eve Musings

On the first Tuesday in November...2004...I voted first thing in the morning and went about the rest of my day without a second thought. After work, I headed to the victory party for Maryland congressman Chris Van Hollen--no butterflies, no worries. I was ready to watch states turn from gray to blue...or red...and then listen to Chris' victory speech. After all, he was running in Montgomery County, Maryland...and he was a Democrat. No worries. We got to Chris' party early, grabbed a drink and some seats at a table in the corner. We stacked a few plates with appetizers and talked about the day, occasionally stealing a glance at the 12 foot high, 25 foot long wall of television screens along the back of the room. At about 7 o'clock, we noticed that people were standing five deep, eyes fixed on the TV screens. States were flipping from gray to red at an alarming rate. We saw what was happening, and slowly, people started to leave. Chris had won. He hadn't even arrived at his party yet, and we were leaving. No one looked up--we stared at the ground and quietly climbed into our cars.

Over the next few days, it felt as if we were living in a parallel universe. Sure, the Democrats had run a stuffed shirt whose entire political strategy hinged on saying, "George W. Bush will do X, Y, and Z...and I won't!" Sure, he hadn't done much to tell us what he would do but, but he was running against George.W.Bush. If you lived inside the Washington Beltway, or in any other blue bubble on the east and west coast, you were shell-shocked.

Here we are, four years later, and I feel as though I'm experiencing some kind of post-traumatic stress disorder. I've been anxious and terrified for the last year. I can't watch the news--Wolf Blitzer, Joe Scarborough, Tom Brokaw, Meredith Vieira, Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann, Mika Brzezinski--they all make me crazy--though I do miss Tim Russert. If Tim were here, Sarah Palin couldn't have avoided Meet the Press, and he'd have eviscerated her in that "small town," Buffalo, intelligent, Jesuit-educated way he had...and he'd have done it smiling sweetly. I might feel better about this election. I do watch Jon Stewart though. He's my saving grace in the madness, though these days, his own anxiety and fury are barely veiled by humor.

Tomorrow is it. And I am convinced that our country does not need a Joe-6-Pack, a Nancy-the-Teacher, a Joe-the-Plumber, or a Sarah-the -Hockey-Mom as President. We don't need someone "just like us"--we need an extraordinary person with extraordinary vision. We're living in a dark and twisty, scary and damaged, broken world...and we need some hope.

But I worry. I worry about long lines. I worry that Colorado will see North Carolina and/or Virginia go blue and not bother to vote. I worry because polls had Barack Obama beating Hillary Clinton by double digits in New Hampshire, and she turned around and beat him. I worry that people are racists, that people still believe he's a Muslim (as if there's something wrong with that), and a terrorist. I worry about "undecideds"--as my friend Bill said to me today, "HOW CAN SOMEONE STILL BE UNDECIDED????" I try to remember an email I received a few weeks ago. It's a picture of Barack Obama at the convention, arm extended in that "Obaman" way. The caption reads: EVERYONE CHILL THE FUCK OUT. I GOT THIS!

And still I worry. I worry about what happens if we DO get President Barack Obama this January. I worry that people have bought into this Messiah complex and actually expect him to be perfect. I like Barack Obama--I'd be thrilled if he were my president. But a few months ago, I voted for Hillary Clinton in the primary. I wish I could have voted for both of them, but I had grown tired of the media turning Hillary into a schoolyard bully, while Barack was an innocent kid who'd never played the political game. I worry that his imperfections, his humanity, will be amplified to those who believe he can save our country and the world by Christmas 2009.

Tomorrow night, I plan to watch election returns with my friend Nichole. There will be a beer in my hand. I try to remind myself that, no matter what happens, I will wake up on Wednesday and go to work. No matter what happens, I will meet Matt and Rachel's teeny, perfect, sweet baby twins on Saturday. No matter what happens, life will go on. (Though in my most freaked out moments, I have visions of a 269-269 tie, or counting votes on Wednesday and Thursday and beyond.)

And then I remember what I learned this morning, watching the only "news" I can bear to see--ESPN. The Pittsburgh Steelers are playing the Washington Redskins tonight on Monday Night Football. The game is in Washington. In the last FIFTEEN elections, the 'Skins last home game has been an accurate predictor. If the 'Skins win, the incumbent party holds the White House. If the 'Skins lose, the challenging party wins the White House.

So, if you are so inclined, root for the Steelers tonight...and if they lose, remember that these kinds of "records" are meant to be broken.

(EDITED TO SAY--STEELERS WIN!!!)

Yankee Stadium

I feel like I just watched a piece of my childhood die. The last game (most likely) in Yankee Stadium. Growing up, the Yankees were among the worst teams in baseball. There were names like Stump Merrill, Alvaro Espinoza, Steve Sax, Mel Hall and Jesse Barfield. But it didn't matter to me, didn't matter in my household. The Yankees were my mom's team--my Nana and my Pa's team. We sat along the 3rd baseline in my dad's work seats. We saw a lot of losses in those days, but we didn't care...the sky seemed bluer and the grass seemed greener in Yankee Stadium. My sister, my brother and I would listen to my parents recount their own stories about Yankee Stadium.

And there was Don Mattingly. #23 was the favorite of almost every child in the tri-state area. I fell asleep every night from about 3rd grade through high school to the sound of Phil Rizzuto's voice, calling the games on the radio ("and the ball goes RIGHT THROUGH Espinoza's legs at short!" was a nightly ritual).

Then came the mid-90s. Joe Torre, Derek Jeter, Paul O'Neill, Bernie Williams, Jorge Posada, Andy Pettitte and Mariano Rivera...their names are now the stuff of Yankee legends. I went to my first Yankee game in years (darn living out of state) last year, and had to wait until the bottom of the 9th to see a walk-off grand slam. In my only game this year, my last game at Yankee Stadium, my dad, uncle and I stuck it out again for a walk-off, 2 out, bottom of the 9th homer. We sat in my sister's seats--upper deck, right behind home plate--we could see the entire Stadium. Good way to say goodbye.

Tonight's game started with a tribute to the great Yankees of the past. Mantle, Maris, Gehrig, Rizzuto, O'Neill, . And of course, the biggest ovation of all was for Bernie Williams. The last game pretty perfect--Andy Pettitte gets the win, Jeter left the game to a standing O and Enter Sandman blared through the speakers as Mariano Rivera got the close. Watching those guys tonight, especially as they took a final lap around Yankee Stadium, as Jeter, Rivera, Posada and Pettitte stood together on the mound for a photo op.

Someday, I'll take my own kids to the new Yankee Stadium. And it will be magical, and it will be majestic, and it will be wonderful. I'll watch their faces as they take it in for the first time, wearing t-shirts bearing the numbers and names of their favorite players, kids who are only in high school and even middle school right now. But I'll point across the street...and I'll tell them about MY Yankee Stadium, the Stadium where their grandparents and great-grandparents and great-great grandparents watched the Yankees. I'll tell them about Don Mattingly, Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera. I'll tell them about the walk-off homeruns I witnessed...and the many many losses too.

Goodbye, Yankee Stadium. Thanks for the memories.

(Note to self...don't post tired...I'll be back to fix glaring errors and bad grammar later.)

Cancer sucks

When my mom called me on Friday to say that my friend Dana had called my house in NJ looking for my cell phone number, I knew Erin was gone. She was diagnosed with liver cancer about 3 years ago, had a transplant back in December, but never really got better.

I met Erin in high school. She'd gone to grammar school with Dana--and D and I had become fast friends. Erin had an easy smile and was truly one of the nicest people I've ever known. I'm not sure if she ever said a bad or negative thing about anyone. You couldn't help but like her. We lost touch after college, but Dana kept me updated on her health. I always meant to send Erin a card or a package...and always though I'd have more time.

Yup, cancer sucks. Tell me again why we're spending gazillions in Iraq???

Sunday Sixteen

I owe y'all at least a 16 after 6 weeks away!

1. Work is insane right now. This is my first summer with the writing gig...and every year, I think "summer can't get any busier." And every year, it does.

2. My trip to LA was amazing. I visited my old school--my kids are now 7th, 8th and 9th graders!! I caught up with a few friends and spent a LOT of time with my CA family. Problem with that is that I miss them more than ever now--I'd forgotten how wonderful it is to sit on their old, worn, faded, blue couch (my bed on many a night during my years in LA) and just be. They are some of my favorite, most cherished people in this world. I also got to see our dear T twice!

3. I completed my 2nd triathlon last month. This one was down the Cape, in Falmouth. I loved it...the water was warm (I didn't look insane for wearing a speedo), the bike course was great, there was a fog bank holding off the sun, the run was FLAT. My bike chain fell off on a downhill as I shifted gears, so that was a bummer, but the rest of it was great. I hope to do that race every year.

4. Falcon Ridge was an adventure this year. Tracie, Nic, my friend Ali and I planned to leave Wednesday after work, but as Wednesday approached, the weather websites forecasted rain of Biblical proportions. So, we had a sleepover at my house on Wendesday night waited until Thursday. When we arrived, we were told we couldn't drive up the hill to our campsite (rhi and Steven had already staked our spot) so we had to triage our supplies and decide what we really needed (tents, sleeping bags, a change of clothes) and make the trek through the mud and water a couple of times.

5. Luckily, the weather could not stop the fantastic music: Crooked Still, Red Molly, Jason Spooner Trio and all our old favorites. We took our now-annual-trip-to-the-waterfall on Friday, basked in whatever sunshine we could find and spent a lot of time singing along.

6. Every year, I walk away from Falcon Ridge saying, "I forgot how much I loved X." One year, it was the Nields, one year Tracy Grammer...this year, it's Eddie from Ohio. My goodness! Luckily, our friend fumblerette made me a few EFO mixes that are giving me my fix. Right now, there's nothing better than Julie Murphy Wells singing, "I'm an Irish woman, I love weddings and funerals, beginnings and endings, the front and the back."

7. I discovered the FRFF showers this year. Thank you, Tracie, you've changed my life.

8. Saturday night, the rain returned. We'd enjoyed an evening of Nerissa and Katryna, Dar, EFO and Martin Sexton, but the sky was flashing. Ali and I decided to sleep in the car--I don't play around with lightning. But of course, that meant less sleeping and more uncomfortably shifting around all night, trying to catch 30 minutes of sleep in between. The next morning, N checked the iPhone (we aren't *that* dirty hippy) and we decided to go down for the Gospel Wake-Up (possibly the best hour of the weekend), return to camp to finish the pack-up, drive down the hill, catch Tracy Grammer's mainstage set and leave before the rain started. But the second we parked at the bottom of the hill, the thunder rumbled--we braved it anyway (we were hungry) until we started getting pelted with *hail*!!! And so ended our FRFF experience...we fled the scene and our 90 minute drive to the Woo only took us 4 hours.

9. I came home from FRFF, spent a few days at the office, then headed down the Cape to spend some time with my family on the tail end of their 2 week vacation. Nothing like my parents, my sister, my grandmother, my mom's sister and my dad's brother in one house! Actually, I love it. My other grandmother (dad's mom who passed away a few years ago) and my uncle (the one who was with us on this vaca) came on every vacation with us from the time I was 8 until I was about 18.

10. Summer is more than half over! Not sure how that happened, but I have a few more good trips planned. In less than 2 weeks, Tracie, Nic and I are headed to one of my favorite places on earth--and A&G are meeting us there! I lived in MD one summer during college, and my mom's cousin was building this house on the eastern shore--I love it there and can't wait to share it with friends. I also can't wait to eat crab!

11. The following weekend, I think I'll be down the Jersey Shore. My sister and her friends rent a house every summer and spend their weekends there--I've been meaning to go for 2 years now. I love Cape Cod and all, but the Jersey shore has waves that knock you down--and knock your suit off!

12. I'm on the hunt for a place to go horseback riding. So far, I've found only one place in MA, though I'll keep looking in CT and RI, maybe even NH. I haven't been on a horse in a few years and if I could find a place to ride once a month or every other month, I'd be a pretty happy camper.

13. My cousin and her kids have officially moved from London to NY!! Minty's almost 6 and Ned is almost 4--they arrived on July 1 and I spent the 4th and 5th of July with them. I'm looking forward to seeing a lot more of them.

14. I recently saw a foot doctor to see if he could help me with my ankle and knee pain (which I'm fairly certain originates with my wide, flat feet). He wants to try a few things before orthotics, including a night splint. Yeah...you try sleeping in this.

15. My goal for the end of September is to have my Massachusetts and New York teaching credentials in order.

16. I am counting down to the last weekend in January.

Sunday Send-off

I leave for Los Angeles on Tuesday. Apparently, 4 years is just the right amount of emotional distance, because I'm actually excited about this trip! I am looking forward to doing what I *want* to do and seeing who I *want* to see. I get to see Teresa! I get to eat at my favorite restaurants! (Ethiopian food, Wahoo's Fish Tacos, In N Out burger, Bay Cities Deli!!!) I get to see the people in LA that I actually enjoy.

But, I've been remiss in blogging, as I was reminded today. I realized that I never posted pics from my trip to Atlanta (of which I don't have many).

View from my hotel room:
Flowers in March (when it was still frosty in MA):
At the suggestion of an alum from the HC Class of '56, a resident of Atlanta and a good buddy of mine, GretaJane and I hit up the Cyclorama (which was surprisingly cool!):
It was a fun trip!!

Next photos are from today. I headed to Providence bright and early this morning to paint Matt and Rachel's new house!! It was a full day, but I had fun painting with Matt, Rachel's mom, Nic, Tracie and their friend Ralph. Rachel ordered our lunch and brought us drinks, and did some packing at the current house since paint fumes are bad for the babies!!

(See before and after videos here:
Before
&
After)

Here are a few pics:
A rare photo of moi:
The finished study (it's more terracotta than orange in real life):

Ralph painting the master bedroom a lovely cloudy sky blue:
Nic and Tracie paint the guest room "winsome lilac":
Babies' room, yet to be painted...these are the options. Also, Rachel and Stephanie hanging out in the babies' room.

Alright, all. I took tomorrow off--I have a foot doctor appt. to see if he can help my knees, I need to organize and pack, and head out to Northampton for the evening. The airport shuttle picks me up at 5:45 (bleeeeeh) Tuesday morning. I come home at 1 AM (blllllllleeeeeeeehhhhhh) on the morning of the 26th. I'll bring photos!

Venturing into the Unknown

After 3 years of writing in the Big Yellow House, I'm really venturing into fiction...and the unknown. I've written 2 parts of a story and I'm not sure where it's going. It's exciting, and intimidating...but I'm safe in that room and so, I write. This is FUN!
*************************************************************
PART 1

She glanced one last time in the rearview mirror, taking a mental photograph of the white lighthouse as it disappeared from view. She heard a whine from the backseat.

"It's OK, Sadie. It's OK."

She turned up the radio and Bruce Springsteen's voice mingled with the sea air. "It's going to be OK," she repeated.

She drove down the main street of town, not daring to look out the window for fear she'd catch someone's eye, and slid into the left lane to turn for the highway, but changed her mind and jerked the car to the right, toward the water.

Hopping out of the car, she grabbed her camera bag from the backseat. She wanted to take Sadie with her, but she know that her canine companion would want to play in the surf. That was not an option. Pulling her Yankee cap down further over her eyes, she jogged to the boardwalk and snapped a few photos of the rickety, weathered wood, the boardwalk ice cream shop, the turned down lifeguard chairs lying in the sand, and the waves. Her legs ached to dip into the water, but she knew she couldn't. After turning for a last long shot of the lighthouse, blurry through her tears, she ran back to the car, wiping her eyes, and pulled out onto the street. She pointing her jeep towards the highway, closed the windows and flipped on the AC--she didn't want to smell the salt and sand anymore.

* * * * * * * *
PART 2 (You should know that our prompt/challenge was to use these 5 objects in our story: stringless guitar, pizza cutter, duffel bag, Bible, bonzai tree.)

By the time she hit the Jersey Turnpike, the Bruce Springsteen CD had played through. She reached into the pile of CDs next to her and grabbed one, trading it for Bruce without even looking. The unmistakable low strings of Crooked Still filled the car--this would work. Her phone buzzed in the cupholder beside her. She ignored it and kept driving. Ten minutes later, it rang again. She ignored it and turned up the music.

As she approached the Delaware Memorial Bridge, she realized she hadn't eaten since lunchtime yesterday. She pulled off the highway into the Clara Barton Rest Stop. Opening the trunk, she pushed aside her sad, stringless guitar. A year and a half ago, just a few weeks after bringing Sadie home, she'd been upstairs when she hear the horrible crash of her guitar hitting the floor, strings vibrating painfully. The sound itself scared Sadie away before she could do any permanent damage. She'd found the puppy backed int a corner, growling at the fallen guitar with 4 snapped strings. Though she'd never gotten around to restringing it, she'd tossed it in the car at the last minute--maybe she'd string it on this trip. She pulled Sadie's red leash out of one of the duffel bags jammed in the trunk.

"C'mon, girl," she said. She let Sadie stretch her legs for a few minuts before leading her back to the car. "I'll be right back, " she said, rubbing the dog behind her golden ears and checking the travel bowl to make sure there was still water inside before shutting the door and jogging inside.

About half an hour into the drive, she'd realized she was squinting--and that her sunglasses were back on the kitchen table. Just inside the doors, under a sign that read "Clara Barton Rest Stop. Welcome to the Garden State," was a cart covered in sunglasses. She plucked a pair of plastic $18 shades and set them down next to the register, in front of a tiny bonzai tree, handing the man a $20.

She turned and looked around the entryway at her options and settled on pizza. There was a bit of a line and she found herself staring blankly at the teenaged boy rolling the pizza cutter methodically over one pizza, then another and another.

"Ex-cuse me, ma'am." She looked up at the teenage girl rolling her eyes, "Can I help you?"

"Two cheese slices to go, a water and an iced tea, please"

She opened her wallet to hand the cashier money and realizing she only had 2 singles, pulled out her ATM card instead. The cashier smiled at her from behind big, round glasses and looked quickly at her card. "Thank you, C-Carries?"

She smiled. "It's Karis. Thanks," and took back her card.

"Karis? What is that?"

"It's Greek. Have a good one."

She walked back to the car shaking her head. Her father had wanted to name her Grace, but that was too plain and ordinary for her mother. They had settled on Karis, which meant grace in Greek, thereby honoring her father's idea and her mother's heritage. They thought it was perfect, but they didn't have to go through life spelling and pronouncing it for everyone.

When she got back to the car, she set her pizza on the passenger seat and stuck the drinks in the cupholders. She moved the cellphone, noting that she now had 4 missed calls, all from the same number. She tore off a piece of pizza crust and gave it to Sadie. It was the least she could do--the poor dog hated car rides.

An hour later, as she approached Baltimore, the phone rang again. Looking at the number, she flipped it open, taking a deep breath.

"Hi."

"Hi? Karis, I've been calling for hours. What the f - "

"I can't. Annie, I'm sorry, but I can't right now."

"Are you OK?"

"Please, An, I'll call you when I get there. Maybe I'll be able to explain. Please?"

"Alright. Be careful. Keep your phone charged. Lock your doors. Pull off if you get tired. ... I love you."

"Promise. I love you too."

She closed the phone and threw it on the floor of the backseat. It was time to switch CDs again.

She drove all night, with Billy Joel, Simon and Garfunkel, the Beatles and Carole King as her soundtrack. She stopped every few hours to let Sadie out and grab a drink or a snack. In Tennessee, she'd been accosted by a Bible salesman, reminding her that she was a sinner.

"Jesus saves!" he cried.

Sadie growled. The man followed Karis to her car, quoting from Scripture. Finally, she turned to face him.

"I'm Catholic," she said.

He stopped in his tracks. "Oh."

T13

1) I think I have an allergy issue. I was dizzy earlier this week. About this time last year, I had dizzy spells and it turned out to be fluid in my ears. I've been taking allergy meds and the heavy head is better.

2) I started triathlon training yesterday. 9 weeks from Sunday, I'll compete in the Falmouth Tri.

3) N and I went to see Tracy Grammer and Jim Henry at the Iron Horse last weekend. I always forget how much I love TG--her songs, her stories, her humor. It made me very excited for FRFF.

4) I booked my flight to L.A. this week. 9 days in June--I'm excited.

5) Even with missing 7 work days for L.A., I have 3 days to take before June 30!

6) I made an appointment with a podiatrist today. They want to x-ray my feet and were surprised to hear me say I've had many an x-ray of my foot. I don't think they are expecting a web-footed girl with scars from toe amputation, do you?

7) My cell phone is no longer holding a charge. It makes me very sad. I really don't want to spend money on a stinking new battery.

8) On a lunch errand today, I ran into one of my ball players and her mom. The mom needed a full 30 seconds to recognize me since I wasn't in shorts and a t-shirt.

9) I'm going home in a few weeks to be my parents' daughter's Confirmation sponsor. Katie and I have the same birthday--she was my 14th birthday present! I can't quite believe that the tiny infant I used to babysit is 15 years old!!

10) In the last few weeks, my email box has brought me many an email from my dearest darling Big Yellow friends--on an almost daily basis. This makes me exceedingly happy. And grateful.

11) This is a very busy time at work...someone joked recently that there isn't any truly "quiet" time. I tried to contradict her, but...well, she's right. Thankfully, I really do enjoy my job and I find the new responsibilities challenging. Even if I do daydream about 7 year olds.

12) I got a new print that I need to have framed. It has a watercolor of a bicycle and reads, "It has something to do with giving back while moving forward."

13) I am the 4th of 24 in my generation of cousins. Our parents' efforts to get us all together as children has paid off. We're friends. We enjoy one another's company. We get together just because, with our parents and without our parents. It's such a gift that our parents gave us.

Friends

Last weekend, I spent yet another fantastic 3 days with some of my most favorite people in all the world. We sang, ate, drank, danced, laughed and listened. On Friday night, we found our seats in a familiar dark corner room at our bar of choice, quizzing each other about state birds and celebrating TWO babies to arrive in November. On Saturday night, we all sat around in a cozy yellow living room and sang great songs and silly songs late into the night. Sunday afternoon, we didn't want it to end and ate slowly at Tokyo and Taipei, sharing pictures and quiet stories. We hugged and waved as we walked out of sight, promising we'd be in touch. That night, a flurry of emails flooded our inboxes as we relived the weekend and started our countdown til January.

For most of us, our reunion happened much sooner than we anticipated...and much sooner than we would have liked. Our friend, the always witty, perfectly sarcastic and compassionate Andrea Coller, died last Wednesday night after a long battle with cancer. I couldn't quite wrap my mind around it when I heard the news--I closed my eyes and heard her voice in my ear, reading her story...and I heard our laughter in gales in response to her straight-forward storytelling. I didn't know Andrea well--but we've been on several writing retreats together now and in that familiar living room in a big yellow house, strong bonds formed even if we didn't talk for 6 months at a time. I consider myself lucky to count Andrea among my friends...but I was also a fan--of her writing, her music, her fashion and her one-of-a-kind personality.

About a year ago, Andrea began an essay on our retreat. I remember laughing so hard my face hurt while falling deeply in love with her writing. She submitted that piece to a contest for Glamour magazine...and out of thousands of entries, hers won. She was surprised. We, her writing companions, were not. The piece embodied brilliance. Last weekend, Andrea talked about how excited she was to see the article in print--and to get the feedback from the judges. Even though the magazine hit the newsstands over a week early, Andrea missed it. So we're celebrating it for (and with) her. Go buy the lovely Glamour with a botoxed Jessica Simpson on the cover. Open it to page 150. Or simply go here:

"I Want My Life Back"
Interview with Andrea

(And for that feedback Andrea wanted to read, you can go here and scroll about 2/3 of the way down to read judge Jennifer Weiner's thoughts on Andrea and the piece. Thanks, Matt.)

Andrea's funeral was on Monday. A group of us from retreat gathered in Northampton on Sunday to be together, remember Andrea and celebrate our friendships. I can't help but think Andrea was smiling down on us as we sang music she loved and splashed around in the hot tub. At the service, I looked to my left and my right and saw people for whom I am especially grateful. They make me laugh, they let me cry, they listen and they accept with open arms and hearts. We're lucky to have each other--and we were lucky to have Andrea. When January finally comes, we'll be popping TicTacs and drinking 007s...and we'll try to be as funny and as honest as she always was.

Enough said, sha la la la la la la la la la...

One word

1. Where is your cell phone? table
2. Your significant other? ha
3. Your hair? annoying
4. Your mother? brilliant
5. Your father? determined
6. Your favorite thing? kids
7. Your dream last night? blank
8. Your favorite drink? coke
9. Your dream/goal? children
10. The room you're in? disaster
11. Your ex? crazy
12. Your fear? alone
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? home
14. Where were you last night? Lost
15. What you're not? patient
16. Muffins? nah
17. One of your wish list items? Africa
18. Where you grew up? Jersey
19. The last thing you did? drink
20. What are you wearing? pjs
21. Your TV? basketball
22. Your pets? none
23. Your computer? shiny
24. Your life? content
25. Your mood? cozy
26. Missing someone? yes
27 Your car? reliable
28. Something you're not wearing? bra
29 Favorite Store? lovely
30. Your summer? fun!
31. Like someone? indeed
32. Your favorite color? blue
33. When is the last time you laughed? play
34. Last time you cried? sweet

Schuyler's Monster

Last week, I read every night before bed, then forced myself to put the book down and go to sleep. I could have read it all in one sitting, but I wanted to enjoy it...I didn't want the story to end.

The book is Schuyler's Monster by Robert Rummel-Hudson. I've been reading Rob's blog for about three years now, and while I enjoy his writing a great deal, it will surprise none of you that it was his daughter, Schuyler, who captured my interest and a piece of my heart. Rob manages to write about Schuyler in a way that doesn't shine a spotlight on her, but instead reflects the light that eminates from inside her--through a crooked, broad smile and huge, sparkling eyes.

I was excited to finally have my hands on this book, but I knew I was in trouble when I started crying while reading the acknowledgments. Rob's writing has the ability to make me laugh out loud, but many times I have read his words with tears sliding down my cheeks. Life has not been gentle with Schuyler, but she has a rough and tumble spirit that will not be contained.

The book chronicles Rob's journey as a father...from the first days of diapers and jaundice, through the questions around why Schuyler wouldn't, or couldn't, speak, and all the way to Plano, TX, and a group of people who embrace, celebrate and revel in his daughter's unique being. As Schuyler grows and learns to look her monster in the eye, Rob is there, sword in hand, to fight right along with her.

I planned to be more articulate about this book, but I'm having trouble putting it all into words. Go buy the book...then go read the blog--and even more importantly, go look at the pictures on flickr. I dare you to resist Schuyler.

***************************************************

In other news...look what arrived last week!

4 things...(a different kind of T13)

A friend sent me this one...feel free to take it to your own blog and fill in the blanks!

Four jobs I have had in my life...
1. bus girl/hostess/foodrunner at a local pub
2. nanny
3. teacher
4. writer

Four movies I would watch over and over (no matter if they are on crappy TV and cut up): (Not in any order)
1. A League of Their Own
2. When Harry Met Sally
3. Juno
4. Silence of the Lambs

Four places I have lived:
1. New York
2. New Jersey
3. Massachusetts
4. California

Four TV Shows that I watch (right now):
1. Lost
2. Survivor
3. American Idol (I know, I know, but my friends at work watch it and if I don't, I'm left out of the lunch conversation!)
4. Grey's Anatomy

Four places I have been (that i love):
1. Cape Cod
2. Outer Banks of NC
3. Ireland
4. Eastern Shore of MD

Four People who e-mail me (regularly):
1. Melissa :)
2. Anne
3. Whitney
4. Dennise (she does our "death notices" at work!!)

Four favorite things to eat:
1. Crab
2. Lasagna
3. Ice Cream (let's face it, this is #1)
4. clam chowder

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. beach
2. Ireland
3. South Africa
4. ski slopes

Four things I am looking forward to this year:
1. BY retreat in April
2. Trip to CA in June
3. The possibility of my cousins moving to NY from London
4. Central Park Triathlon

Happy 2008!

It's the New Year. I am back cozy in my apartment to see the NYC ball drop with N. We were out in Northampton for First Night festivities and lunch with our beloved kj. We caught half a set of the girls' kids' show, then headed to BY for a couple of hours with my favorite toddler on the planet. It had been six weeks (or more?) since I'd gotten my grins and squeals. It ended 2007 on a good note. We caught the girls' "grown up" sets, grabbed dinner, then realized we had over 2 hours til the Noho ball drop. And if we left, we could avoid the crazy after-midnight drivers. So, we waved to the ball as we sloshed through the street and climbed in the car to drive home.

2008 will be a great year, my friends. 2007 has sucked for so many people I love dearly...I am convinced that '08 will right the ship and we'll float in the right directions.

I'm ripping off our dear M.

1 -- My favorite movie of the year...I just love Harry Potter, even if the movies serve as wonderkillers. The kids are brilliant, and I focus on the positive. N tells me that Juno would top the list if I'd managed to make it to the theater last week.

2 -- Favorite books of the year: variation on a theme: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

3 -- Surprise of the year -- I have a new job! Didn't see the change coming, but I think it's going to be wonderful. I also went on 2 non-BY retreats--one with college students and one with high-schoolers and am contemplating a new career path!

4 -- Best vacation -- we have a tie. Miami for my cousin's graduation was wonderful--5 days filled with family, including my cousins from London (who are 4 and 2). Running between the pool and the beach and just being able to relax with them for a few days was just joyful. Lake Winnipesaukee must top the list as well, though! I didn't realize I could like a lake that much!! I look forward to our next trip and already know what board game I'll be bringing to entertain us.

5 -- Struggle of the year ... IdiotBoy at work...it was a short, but mighty struggle. I also struggled with how to stand up for myself in that situation--I'm not very good at it!

6 -- Sorrow of the year -- I've watched some friends go through hard times and stood beside them as they faced the sadness.

7 -- Joy of the year ... spending good, quality time with the people I love most in this world: my family, my good friends, colleagues I've grown to adore. I think I treasure those moments and hours more than I ever have.

8 -- Moment I wish I could do over ... I don't really let myself have those!

9 -- Best musical moment -- There have been many...I can't go without mentioning the hours under the FRFF sun and stars, but I agree with M as well--those BY hootenannies are just magical and so very special.

10 -- Best writing moment -- I don't know if I have one. I do know that after some sessions at BY I think to myself "That's EXACTLY how I wanted it to sound."

11 -- Favorite CD of the year -- Sister Holler, hands down. I think the album is especially special because I heard so many of them as "newborn" songs.

12 -- Big Grateful Warmth award goes to ... BY buddies! Seriously, what I love is that my time with you is not restricted to 48 hours in Northampton. I rang in 2007 in Philly with A, G, N and GJ and I ended 2007 with kj, the BY residents and N. We've gone to concerts , out to dinner, swam in the lake, camped together at FR, attended Yart parties, seen thousands of Santas on the steet, and enjoyed endless emails, phone calls and hours in each other's company. What an amazing gift we've been given!! I can't wait to see you all again soon.

13-- Friends ... I am a very very very lucky girl. My friends are some of the most amazing human beings that walk this wonderful planet and not a day goes by when I am not reminded of this. Most days, though, I feel particularly lucky to have wonderful friends at work who fill the mundane-ness with smiles.

Peace, joy, love and laughter to you all.

Thursday 13

1. I go home tomorrow! For 5 days. Then I return to MA for 6 days (and hit up First Night Northampton with fumblerette). Then I drive to NJ (I think) to fly to Iowa with my mom, meet up with our cousins and volunteer at the Iowa Caucus.

2. I believed in Santa for a long time. Wait, I still believe in Santa. But I believed Santa was a real live person living on the North Pole until I was about 10...which is relatively late, I think. This is because every year on Christmas Eve, my mother's uncle would call all of the cousins in my generation--but we didn't know it was Uncle Ed. It was Santa--complete with Mrs. Claus and jingling bells in the background (thanks, Aunt Nancy!). Uncle Ed called our parents in the days before Christmas Eve--he knew what we wanted, what we were getting, etc. It was the best and I'm hoping one of my uncles eventually picks up the tradition.

3. T was visiting NYC and asked if I'd consider meeting up with her to attend the Nields show a few weekends ago. I gladly agreed. T took the train to my hometown where I picked her up and she stayed with my family for the weekend. We had an awesome time in NYC--great show. But something stole N&K's thunder. Santacon: HUNDREDS of people dressed as Santa!! Even at the pizza joint we picked for dinner:

4. T also made me hand warmers!! That I *l0ve* because you can write and type with them on:

5. I have been home SO little in the last 7 weeks that I didn't get a tree :( T saw my tree at home in NJ--and had a few laughs at my father's resistance to a tree entering the house at ALL. I did however get a real wreath and every once in a while, I get a waft of pine. I also put up lights.

6. Basketball has started again. We won our first game by 4 points. I yelled myself hoarse. Our 2nd game was cancelled--we don't play again until 2008. I loved our girls last year. I still love our 8th graders. But a few of these 7th graders are so adorable, I want to take them home!

7. I've had 2 baby showers in the last month or so. I give books. Though I could walk into Carters and buy everything in the place. That's why I stick to bookstores. I know what my favorites are and I get those.

8. On my most recent trip to the children's section, I found this book. And bought it for myself as it was about $3. It was a favorite of mine and I hadn't seen it in years. I do plan to need it eventually.

9. We have a stinkin' department luncheon for work tomorrow. Almost 40 minutes from work! The really crappy part is that our VP will expect us to return to our desks after lunch. To be honest, I'd rather spend the Friday before Christmas with the 2 or 3 people in my department I really enjoy, instead of all of us pretending to be one happy family!

10. I'm loving the new job. The writing is a challenge all day every day, but I think I'll settle in. I adore Father (pres. of college), and I am loving getting to spend some time with him and learning more about him.

11. I miss BY. I took the winter session off, which was a wise decision given the amount of snow we've been buried under for a week! But I miss my spot on the rug and I miss my writing buddies. My Monday group isn't as awesome as our retreat group, but I still love them and I feel like I'm missing out on huge chunks of their lives and stories!

12. You would think making mix cds would be easy and fun, right? For me, it's just stressful. Which songs do I pick? Will the person love them as much as I do? What is a good balance? What is a good ratio of Guster to Nields, Joel and Springsteen to Crooked Still and Tracy Grammer? How should I order the songs? These decisions truly cause me agida.

13. I am not packed for tomorrow. This is not good as I need to be packed before I leave my house at 8:30. That proably means I should stop blogging, right?

Check-in

I'm sorry. It's been a while...all 5 of you who read this blog!

Life has been crazy--the weekend before Thanksgiving, I helped out on a retreat for the College--50 18-22 year olds. I had a blast, though I'd lost my voice COMPLETELY 2 days before I was supposed to go, so that made things interesting. The weekend was wonderful...then it was back for 2 days at the office before Thanksgiving break. I had a wonderful time in NJ!

Today, I'm off to help out on a retreat for 60 (SIXTY!!!) high school students. What was I thinking?! Before I go, I need to get some work done and run a few errands on the way to the retreat. It's going to be FREEZING in New Hampshire this weekend.

I hope you all are well! I miss you and I'll share more musings and nuttiness next week.

Thursday 13 (a day early...)

Inspired by M...here is my Thursday 13---odds and ends of the apartment.

Just FYI, I am currently voice-less. I've had a cold and last night at about 7 o'clock, I said something outloud to myself (a frequent happening) and my voice was GONE. I haven't said much of anything today and still, it's pretty dead.

OK, on to the 13...

1. My fridge...adorned with a) the "welcome" message board that the apartment complex gifts to us upon arrival; b) 2 magnets purchased at kj and jb's yart party; c) a card from my friend Joyce being held by a "road not taken" magnet; d) the "thank you and congrats" card from HC for reaching 53.2% participation; e) a card with one of my favorite lines from Desiderata; f) my friend Mere's address held on by yet another good-quote-on-a-magnet; g) notepad.

2. When it's on sale at CVS, I take advantage. Yes, I know Coca-Cola company is evil, but...well, I don't drink coffee and I need caffeine.

3. My bike. Triathlon # still attached under the seat. It's pretty and blue...though I haven't spoken to it in months.

4. Fancy bag...I bought it on Saturday morning for my work dinner on Saturday night. 2 black ties a year and I usually just bring my normal, huge, un-fancy bag and shove it under the table!

5. My living room window...about 6 feet tall. The pictures on the windowsill are a) my siblings and I at my First Communion; b) my CA "siblings" and I on their front lawn; c) my sister, my parents' goddaughter and I at my bro's high school graduation party; d) my mom, her sisters and my grandparents in the late '60s.

6. A poster that needs to be framed and hung. My beloved Manhattan...subway routes.

7. Tokens from college retreats--the retreat I am helping to lead this weekend. I have to give a talk (please let me get my voice back) and choose 2 songs to go with that talk. The retreats were on the Cape--can't wait to get back there.

8. My anthem...lyrics and illustrations by Nerissa and Katryna Nields. I love this.

9. Candles, candlesticks and snuff from Colonial Williamsburg. They're a housewarming gift from my mother's cousin--the one I lived with in DC. I love them...now I need to have some people over for dinner to burn the candles!

10. Notecards. I love to send and receive cards. I was REALLY good about it in college and always have a big supply of cards--I just send them less frequently now. Darn age of the internet!

11. My washer/dryer and ironing board. The iron and ironing board are rarely put away since I iron EVERYTHING everyday. I love to iron. I also love having a w/d in my apartment. Hard to beat.

12. A Hundred Thousand Welcomes to you. This hangs just inside my front door, over the entry to the kitchen. I bought it at a fair in Los Angeles and it's been with me ever since.

13. My West Wing dvd collection. Awesome show and I've gotten fumblerette hooked on it. I know GJ is hooked as well. I miss not having new episodes, but I'm also grateful for tv on dvd!

Another weekend at the BY

I've sat in that living room more times than I can count, on the same piece of carpet...I swear the door jamb has molded to my back a little. There, I am surrounded by people and things that have become familiar and safe. The clicking of keys, the tapping of feet, the call of the loon clock, the sipping of tea, the strumming of strings and the squealing of a happy girl provide the soundtrack of the house.


I had another weekend in Northampton--a weekend spent with some of my very favorite people in the world. I have the privilege of gathering with them and listening to their brilliant writing, their songs that make me close my eyes and disappear into the chords, and their humor during late night "board meetings" at Packard's.

As M said, long live the Merchants of Death!