end of the week, kids

Here it is, the TGIF Shuffle. (take directly from my dear *A*) But before I get to it, a couple of rules (in case you forgot so soon!): Get out your digital music player and hit shuffle. Report back the first ten songs it spits out. No skipping or rationalizing...or, as we WIUITG folks like to say, "No apron-wringing." Afterwards, perhaps you'll be so kind as to enlighten us with some general thoughts, favorite/least favorite songs, acts seen live and/or a memory/personal connection.Here's the juice:

1. it's only love (help!)--the beatles
2. darling corey (hop high)--crooked still
3. mother i climbed (flower of avalon)--tracy grammer
4. two sides of the river (my better self)--dar williams
5. all my friends (this desert life)--counting crows
6. one song glory (rent soundtrack)--original broadway cast
7. holiday in spain (hard candy)--counting crows
8. letting go (jekyll and hyde soundtrack)--various artists
9. collecting you (become you)--indigo girls
10. great escape (goldfly)--guster

General Thoughts: This list started out pretty FRFF heavy...but I like the diversity. Almost every song on here is one I can sing along with and know every word.

Seen Live: Lots of FRFF folks: Crooked Still, Tracy (yay, A!!), Dar (several times), Rent cast, Jekyll and Hyde cast, Indigo Girls and Guster (many times)

Favorite Song: Tough one...I'll say Great Escape because it never fails to make me smile. Such a great song and many a happy memory associated with it.

Runner Up: Mother I Climbed...it's so delicate and poetic. You can tell that Dave wrote it for Tracy and her delicate, but strong, voice.

Favorite Album: I love so many of these albums! But I'll go with the Rent soundtrack since it's just so stellar beginning to end.

Memory Trigger: Darling Corey just means Falcon Ridge, as does any CS or TG song. Intense memories of that beautiful hillside surrounded by dear friends.

And, for fun, I'm adding a quirky category:
Best Tune for when you're feeling like a Sad Bastard: Well, One Song Glory is about a sad bastard, does that count?

random friday

Thanks *A*

"Set your pod or other, less aethetically pleasing, digital music player a'shufflin' and report back the first ten (or 11) songs that it spits out. No skipping, explaining or rationalizing via emoticon allowed." (heh--a.k.a. No Apron Wringing)

Optional: After you do the above you might want to enlighten us with your favorite song and album of the batch. And perhaps if there's a personal connection to one particular tune, you'll add that too.

Let's see...

1. The Sweetness (Love and China)--Nerissa and Katryna Nields
2. Romeo and Juliet (Rites of Passage)--Indigo Girls
3. Arrival (The Honesty Room)--Dar Williams
4. Ali Boumaye (Nields Live at FRFF '05)--The Nields
5. Penny Lane (1)--The Beatles
6. Turn Me On (Come Away With Me)--Norah Jones
7. Colorblind (This Desert Life)--Counting Crows
8. Superhero Soup (66 Hoxsey St)--The Nields
9. Chickenman (Rites of Passage)--Indigo Girls
10. Working on the Highway (Live 1975-1985)--Bruce Springsteen

Fave Song: Of these, I guess I have to say The Sweetness.

Fave Album: I've rediscovered Rites of Passage in the last week. Great album.

Memory: The Sweetness is the first song I ever heard the girls sing, sitting at the workshop stage at FRFF '03. I was instantly mesmerized.

tgif!

Yay for weekends. I was up far too long watching b-ball last night and that should be the weekend pattern. I'm so excited for a quiet weekend. I also just printed out 2 fact sheets on how to pray the Rosary--what the heck did I get myself into. I have the "hard" parts while my friend J, who does this every year, gets the Hail Marys. No fair, but it's my good deed for the season of Lent since I've pretty much been a slacker.

Great news from last night is that our girl A will be in MA come the end of April. NFN caved and let her in on the retreat. I'm sure I'll be out in Noho for at least part of that weekend! My trip to L.A. will have to wait for May. Now, I know there is a tentative October retreat...I have a feeling I'll be caving to peer pressure if enough of y'all get on board.

So yeah, maybe a little grocery shopping and some church. That's what is on my weekend agenda. And I'm happy about it.

what can i say it's a beautiful day this time (jns, tn)

sacrifice and happiness

Last week in my CLC, one of the girls in my group, a frosh, said that her roommate is taking a spirituality class and they're talking about the saints. K and her roommate got into a discussion about how most of the saints gave up everything they had to serve/follow God. Her question was, Is that what we all need to do? Suddenly, every pair of student eyes in the room turned to me. Like *I* was supposed to have the answer or something! Little did they know I struggle with the same questions to an extent.

I told them what I truly do believe...that there are many ways of following and serving God. In the end, if we all gave up everything and became poor, there would be no one to help the poor! Holy Cross' motto is men and women for others. It's an ideal they pound into our heads from the acceptance letter to the diploma. It's an ideal and a motto that many of us, myself included, come to own. Last year at this time, I began looking for a new job. In the end, it came down to a teaching job at an inner-city, Catholic girls middle school and this job at HC. I felt like I was being asked to choose between everything HC expected me to be and HC itself. I've already established here in the blog how I feel about decisions. It was 3 days of tears and frustration. In the end though, I had to look at the whole picture. There are many ways of serving/following/loving God and others. While I have no doubt that I would have LOVED the teaching job, the sacrifice would have been bigger. There wouldn't have been the friends and community in the area that I have in MA...my days and nights would be spent living and breathing the classroom. I sacrificed a lot my first 3 years out of college when I was in LA. I don't regret a minute of it because I loved those kids and I learned a lot. But it was time to look at what was best for me in the moment and in the long run. This job at HC put me geographically in a place where I'm surrounded by friends and close to family. I have a life outside of work and I'm loving it. And I *am* serving...HC shaped me in so many important ways...and every day, I get to thank the people who help make the College what it is. Every day, I recognize that without the generosity of others, I wouldn't have enjoyed the College experience, with all its joys and challenges, that I was blessed to live for 4 years. I try to serve in other ways too (which leads me to the fact that I'll be leading an hour of the Rosary this Friday evening at a local church. Don't even ask...not sure how that happened!)

It was (and still is) very hard to feel like I didn't "sell out" by taking this job, though. That I didn't walk away from a calling to be with those girls in Baltimore. I feel so guilty about it that every time I'm asked what I do, I tell people about my current job, but find a way to say "I used to be a teacher and I'll go back to that someday." Whenever people ask me if/when I'll go back to teaching, the answer is always, "Yes, of course!" And while that may be true...and while I love teaching and think that it's the best job in the world in a hundred ways, why can't I just say, "You know, I really like what I'm doing now. It's interesting and engaging. The people I work with are fabulous and I'm learning a lot. Maybe I'll do it forever." Because that's true too. However, if I say that, I feel like I've turned my back on my kids...like I've sold out on being a woman for others and am more concerned about myself.

Anyway, that's what's been rattling around in my head for the last week and I finally have a minute to write about it. I was amazed that this student was struggling with such a big question, grateful that she was brave enough to share her struggle with all of us and impressed with the way that her peers followed my comments with questions and opinions of their own.

if the world is night, shine my life like a light (let it be me, indigo girls)

decisions

I'll post a real entry tonight or tomorrow, but for now...if y'all get bored of me posting what I write on Monday night, just say so!
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Sara hated decisions. Simple decisions like where to go to dinner or huge, life-altering decisions like what to do with the rest of her life. It didn't really matter--she hated them all. She stood long at the fork in the road, stretching her vision as far as she could down the roads lying before her. She saw all the positives--and all the negatives. Sometimes, every choice seemed right, other times every choice was wrong. In the end, Sara was simply terrified--of being wrong, of being unhappy...of being right.

A decision lay before Sara that spring. Her 2 year commitment to the school in South Central Los Angeles was coming to an end. She had paid her dues, kept her promise and now, she could go home--back to her family and friends, back to the familiar and the safe. She could stay too--her principal reminded her of this every day. The group of kindergarteners that Sara had fallen in love with 2 years ago would be hers in the fall. She was about to finish her Masters' work and could put all of her focus and energy into teaching in her third year. She had stuck it out this long after all--she could try one more year, right?

As she stood on the beach, knee-deep in the Pacific Ocean, she wasn't so sure. Everything seemed backwards here--the ocean was west and the mountains were east. It had been a hard 2 years--and while hard could be good, and hard had taught her some good lessons, it shouldn't have to be this hard forever. She'd lived in an apartment with 3 other teachers for 20 long months. They were supposed to be a community, support for one another. Instead, Sara felt alone and suffocated at the same time. While she had made a few good friends, this was L.A.--everyone lived at least 30 minutes away and when the workday went from 7 AM until 6 PM, all she wanted to do in her free time was sleep--unless there was planning or grading to do.

Leaving L.A. behind seemed like the easy answer. There were schools back east after all--there were even plenty of inner-city Catholic schools in cities where she'd be surrounded by family and friends...where weekends could be fun and relaxing, instead of stressful days spent avoiding roommates.

So why was there a voice in the back of Sara's head telling her to stay? Everytime she saw the smiling faces that would fill her classroom if she stayed, she felt a little tug. There were 3 sets of twins and 2 sets of cousins, making the class a bit of a family affair. There were several class clowns who would be a handful for sure, but they'd also keep things fun. Then, of course, there was Carol, who won Sara's heart every time she said her own name, "Cawowe"--Rs and Ls didn't come easy. Also, Sara had finally earned the respect of the middle school girls she had coached in basketball. She had fought for 5 long moths to gain their trust and plant herself firmly on their side. Most of the team would be in 8th grade the following year. How could she walk away now?

In the end, Sara realized, it boiled down to her greatest fear. Either way, she was letting someone down.

best month of the year

March Madness has arrived. Some of my current friends don't understand my love of the game of basketball. It's funny to me because I grew up in a family that loved this time of year...and with friends who loved this time of year. We were looking at Tourney brackets when we were in 6th grade, picking our favorites and talking every morning about the results. This weekend has been thrilling--way too much time spent in front of a television, but it's March! It makes me miss coaching.

Anyway, more March memories...

March is a horribly long, painful month to be a 2nd grade teacher. In Los Angeles, there is no February vacation or "ski week," it's a straight haul from New Year's til Easter. January and February passed quickly, as Sara's school prepared for the Black History Program. Afternoons were spent learning the African dance that her 35 smiling 7- and 8-year olds would perform in front of their family and friends at the end of February. An African dancer Sara was not, so many days the music teacher or a few 8th grade girls would come and collect her class for practice in the gym. Sara would get a few minutes of quiet to herself, grading papers or planning the next day's math lesson.

By March, though, all of that was over. Days were spent confined to the four walls of her classroom and the kids were usually restless. To top it off, the month of March meant the Season of Lent in this Catholic school, so a week was spent explaining why the students would all get ashes on their forehead and why they couldn't rub them off, even if they itched. The rest of the month was spent trying to answer questions about the crucifixion and the Ressurection--big topics for 8-year old minds.

And if March is no fun for a 2nd grade teacher, the month is an even bigger problem for her kids. One boy in particular seemed to be having a rough go of it. Reginald was a bright kid--one of the smartest in the class. Focus, however, was not his strength. It seemed like every time Sara turned around, Reginald was on the floor. Not being particularly loud or disruptive, but he certainly drew some attention. Patiently (well, usually patiently), Sara would ask him to sit in his chair and do his work. By the end of the week, Sara realized that all this rolling around was leading to no work from Reginald. Math sheets were half done and workbook pages empty. He could not sit still long enough to get anything done.

The following week, it was more of the same. Finally, as she was about to tell Reginald in a less than patient tone to sit in his seat and do his work, she looked from the math book on her desk to the smiling boy rolling on the floor. Taking a deep breath, she picked up the book, sat on the floor next to Reg, handed him a pencil and quietly told him to get his work done. In the end, after all, it mattered more that the work got finished, right? Just because Sara's own 2nd grade teacher, Sister Daniel, made her class sit up straight, 2 feet on the floor, looking straight ahead, that didn't mean that Sara's classroom had to look the same way. She needed to quiet Sr. Daniel's stern voice in the back of her head and do what was best for her students.

For the rest of the week, Reginald did most of his classwork on the floor. When the kids worked in small groups, Reg's group worked on the floor. Sometimes, everybody worked on the floor. It was less than conventional, but they were learning and they were having fun. Sara spent less time correcting students on their behavior and more time teaching them how to use adverbs and regroup with subtraction. She was learning that being a teacher meant more than transferring and building knowledge. It meant knowing your students and doing everything necessary for them to be successful.

not much of this makes sense to me, river leaves (happy frappy, guster)

no dance for us

At the last minute, I decided to road trip to West Point last night with my boss and 2 of her kids (ages 16 and 14)...our HC women were playing army for the league title and a bid in the NCAA tournament. My boss' brother is the HC coach, so it's a family affair. First off, let me just say that I adore my boss and so appreciate working for and with someone who not only respects me in the workplace, but would think to invite me along on said roadtrip. It's a 3+ hour drive to West Point, but we hit minimal traffic and made it with plenty of time to spare.

The game--well, I still can't talk about it. One point...we lost by ONE point. And we were up by 11 at one point. That gym is an intimidating place to be though, and a scary place to play, I'd think. We were surrounded by HUNDREDS upon hundreds of cadets in full camo--they cheered and chanted for the solid 40 minutes of game play. Sadly, it will be the Black Knights of Army and not our Lady 'Saders who will sit in front of a TV Monday night watching Bid Night, seeing where they will play their Round 1 game and who they will be playing.

I walked in my door last night at 12:34 AM...a little on the late side, but not awful. Today has been on the slow side, but I'm meeting someone for dinner and drinks tonight, so I'm looking forward to that. And tomorrow is Friday--fyi, ESPN2 at 4:30 will carry the HC men v. Bucknell. Our boys may be Dancin' yet.

seen the lights go out on broadway, i saw the mighty skyline fall (miami 2017, billy joel)

life is a rollercoaster

I was thinking about what I'd post today on my drive home last night. It was a late night again, 10 PM before we left Big Yellow. This is a chatty group, and I mean that in a loving way ;) Instead of a person reading their piece and having each individual member react to it, it's more of a conversation. N says something, then V jumps in and M adds her .02 cents. As K is talking, V is nodding her head and jumps in again with what she forgot before, or to reinforce what K is saying. There is more laughter than there was in the fall. There was also a strange Catholic vibe in the house last night, as 3 of us touched on one aspect of another of the faith.

That's what I wanted to write about...but then I woke up this morning, and as I was about to walk out the door, news broke that Dana Reeve passed away last night. 44 years old...less than a year battling lung cancer, never having smoked...she lost her mother and husband in the last 18 months and has a handsome 15 year old boy left behind in this world. It made me stop for a minute and wonder. It made it hard for me to come here and post like I intended to, because right now, life seems cruel where last night, it seemed joyful and genuine.

Then again, this all serves to remind us just how short life really is...and to appreciate the joy that much more. Yup, I'm tired today and I wish I'd gotten a little more sleep last night, but I enjoyed every moment of the 45 extra minutes I spent with my Monday group last night. The talent in the room blows me away...we're all so different and yet, sitting together in that room, we're on the same path for 2 hours (...and 45 minutes).

Dana Reeve leaves a legacy of strength, dignity, grace and joy...maybe that's what today is all about.

they give their shirt right off their back, yeah they're just like that (just like that, rachel bissex, as performed by dar williams)

sunday again

This was a long week. Many late nights and long days. One of those weeks that makes you dream about sleep.

Tonight was great fun however. My roommate's friend C came over with her 4 year old daughter, Aly. Aly spent the evening on my lap--sharing her Oreos and typing on my computer. Even though she dug her knees into my stomach every time she shifted position, it was wonderful to hear her giggle and declare "now make it purple! now make it LIGHT blue!"

Is it me or are the Oscars terribly boring this year?! Ugh.

to me don't mean nothing if you don't wanna do (mr. right now, the nields)