Thursday 13

1. My knee hurts today.

2. The running is the hardest part of triathlon training. I hate running.

3. I have to buy a bike.

4. I have very little $$ for said bike, and bikes are wicked expensive.

5. May has been a crazy busy month, but I've had a lot of fun. I went to Ohio for my brother's college graduation--and played beer pong with my father and flip cup with my brother. I went to Miami for my cousin's graduation and spent my days and evenings in the pool and on the beach with my family. Nichole visited me and we looked at apartments for her very big, very exciting move to Boston. Plus, work has been crazy.

6. Speaking of work, I have a new co-worker. Nic and kj will tell you that he is bad news. They listened to me rant for quite some time. It's difficult because this new guy is part of our little 3-person team in our larger department. So I can't avoid him.

7. 8 years ago right now, I was in Mexico. HC runs an immersion trip every year--we spend our time visiting villages, listening to people's stories. We see with our own eyes and hear for ourselves stories of poverty, struggle and heartache, but also stories of immense and incredible faith. I went to the kickoff barbeque on Tuesday night for this year's trip. I wonder if they realized that the faces and voices they here in these weeks will be with them forever.

8. A new girl in our department moved into my apartment building in March, right down the hall. I'm headed over there to hang out and maybe order dinner and walk across the street for ice cream.

9. Our VP's assistant forgot to put one of my vacation days in the system...so, though I thought I had no time left to take, I have a "free" day to take before June 30...plus, since I spent extra hours babysitting last week (as part of the job), my boss is giving me a day off to compensate me. Now to figure out how to spend those days...

10. I really want to get better at photography. I just need to spend the time, energy and some of the money to make it happen. Maybe take a class? Who knows.

11. I need a good ocean swim--at a beach with waves. My sister and her friends have rented a house down the Jersey Shore this summer...maybe I'll take some long weekends. I love Cape Cod, but I need the waves!

12. I was having very vivid dreams for a while a few months ago, but they've stopped. A friend at work is big into dream interpretation/analysis. He claims that if I tell myself to dream, just as I'm drifting off to sleep, I should remember the dream in the morning.

13. 55 days until Falcon Ridge Folk Festival!

Triathlon training is getting to my head

Head spinning and shoulders aching,
hands reaching up and out,
pulling through the water.

Each stroke brings a question:
Is this it?
Where you want to be?
Can you ever be certain?

A gulp of air and the questions start again.

Shoud you take the leap and step into the darkness?
Or leave both feet firmly planted on steady ground?
Are you better off here?
Was it the right choice?

Another blast of air, then the body spins forward,
flipping and bursting off of the wall,
back to where you came from.

But can you go back?
It would be different this time, right?
Could it be easier?
Will feeling safe and grounded make it better?

This time, a gasp of air,
shoulders throbbing and legs dragging.

Is the voice in the back of your head right, as it echoes old truths?
What will you do if it's not enough?
What's really so bad about hwere you are?
Could it be enough?

A deep breath and another flip,
hurtling back in the other direction,
the body ping-ponging like the questions in your head.

Legs begin to kick with this breath,
urging the body forward towards the finish,
away from unanswered questions.