I know I'm a few days behind on Look Up, but tonight, I want to Look Out and Look Around. Tomorrow, I turn 30. Age is really just a number to me, so 30 isn't causing the earth to shift beneath my feet or my inner equilibrium to tremble. 30 doesn't sound all that different from 29 and I suspect it won't feel much different either. Something about the "milestone" is causing me to look back though.
My 20s are almost over--and while I stand here looking back at them as a whole and happy person, there were times when that didn't seem possible. I don't remember turning 20--even then, "milestones" must not have meant much. I know I was in college. I know I was happy. I know I trusted in where I was. I moved to California shortly after I turned 22 and all of that change. Sometimes, those years feel like a blur--and I know that I suffered the quintessential quarter-life crisis. I didn't like where I was and I didn't trust where I was going.
***
This weekend, I spent time in one of my favorite towns, in one of my favorite houses, with some of my favorite people--two of whom are under 3 feet tall. For the last year, my most frequent question for the almost-3 year old is, "Lila, who's my favorite two year old in the whole world?" She grins, balls her hand into a thumbs-up position, and jabs her thumb into her chest. We were in the kitchen on Saturday when she said, "Hey Kris! Who's my favorite two year old in the whole world?"
"I don't know. Who?"
She grinned at me, scrunched up her face and pointed at me.
The next morning, I sat on the front porch with her little brother, wrapped in a fleece blanket against the cool April breeze. We watched the cars, waved to the people and dogs who walked by, and sang endless verses of Peter Paul and Mary's "Car-Car." I soaked in the moment, grateful for and aware of the happiness and peace that I took for granted when I entered my 20s. My years in California were hard, but they gave me such a gift. I'm more present for the good things in life, and for the people who fill my life.
***
I'm not sure what my 30s will bring, but I enter them more comfortable (OK, more comfortable-ish) with the uncertainty and more confident that I can handle whatever comes my way. And I still say age is just a number. After all, I'm somebody's favorite 2 year old in the whole world.
My 20s are almost over--and while I stand here looking back at them as a whole and happy person, there were times when that didn't seem possible. I don't remember turning 20--even then, "milestones" must not have meant much. I know I was in college. I know I was happy. I know I trusted in where I was. I moved to California shortly after I turned 22 and all of that change. Sometimes, those years feel like a blur--and I know that I suffered the quintessential quarter-life crisis. I didn't like where I was and I didn't trust where I was going.
***
This weekend, I spent time in one of my favorite towns, in one of my favorite houses, with some of my favorite people--two of whom are under 3 feet tall. For the last year, my most frequent question for the almost-3 year old is, "Lila, who's my favorite two year old in the whole world?" She grins, balls her hand into a thumbs-up position, and jabs her thumb into her chest. We were in the kitchen on Saturday when she said, "Hey Kris! Who's my favorite two year old in the whole world?"
"I don't know. Who?"
She grinned at me, scrunched up her face and pointed at me.
The next morning, I sat on the front porch with her little brother, wrapped in a fleece blanket against the cool April breeze. We watched the cars, waved to the people and dogs who walked by, and sang endless verses of Peter Paul and Mary's "Car-Car." I soaked in the moment, grateful for and aware of the happiness and peace that I took for granted when I entered my 20s. My years in California were hard, but they gave me such a gift. I'm more present for the good things in life, and for the people who fill my life.
***
I'm not sure what my 30s will bring, but I enter them more comfortable (OK, more comfortable-ish) with the uncertainty and more confident that I can handle whatever comes my way. And I still say age is just a number. After all, I'm somebody's favorite 2 year old in the whole world.
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